Tuesday, December 1, 2009

In the beginning...

I don't know who you are that is reading this but first things first: I have an eating disorder.

Yep.

Notice I didn't say "I'm anorexic" or "I'm bulimic." You wouldn't say, "I'm cancerous" or "I'm heart diseased."

I have an eating disorder. have. Not am.

And just so you know, I'm taking steps to make that 'have' a 'had.'

I'm not here to bitch and complain about all the people that called me fat or how much I hated myself or the first time I stuck my fingers down my throat. I'm here to trace the timeline of my recovery process.

Eating disorders are wildly misunderstood. But I am also not here to educate you or lecture you or persuade you. I'm just here to give a voice to my recovery process.

Too much literature by people with eating disorders focuses on the brunt of the illness, the sickest times, the near death experiences, the hospitalizations and interventions. While it's all very interesting, it doesn't help anyone. It's scary and it makes eating disorders (which I will refer to as ED) even more mysterious and glamorous and intangible.

But everyone's got it in them. Somewhere and in some manifestation, even if it's not with food. Everyone can relate to not feeling good enough.

And therefore, everyone can hopefully relate to me, to the process of figuring out how to feel good.

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