Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Three

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

A major part of healing is forgiveness...forgiving yourself, forgiving other people, forgiving the universe, etc. Forgiving is a part of acceptance, in many ways, and when we can accept what has happened to us or what we have done, we can move forward and stop fighting. We can heal.

I need to forgive myself for being imperfect, for being unable to be exactly what I think other people need me to be all the time. I know a lot of my entries involve perfectionism, but its a pretty prominent force in my life, as well as a lot of other people's lives. One of my therapists, Rita, vehemently labels perfectionism as a disease. And it is. It really is.

One of the things I tend to beat myself up over is my inability to constantly and consistently be what I think other people in my life need me to be. I criticize myself for not being the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect friend, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect intern etc etc etc...

Its not healthy to live for other people...in fact, it will most certainly drive you towards mental illness or something like it. I need to stop beating myself up in general, but I specifically need to forgive myself for not being able to exist solely for other people. I need to be ok with being able to just exist.

Forgiveness is acceptance. I forgive myself for not being perfect. I accept the fact that I can't always be what other people need.

I'm not perfect, and that's ok.

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