Wednesday, July 14, 2010

4

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

I have a really, really hard time forgiving people sometimes. Especially if I feel like I've been treated unfairly. I have a tendency to feel like people in general think, for whatever reason, that its ok to walk all over me and treat me however they want. This, of course, is probably not true, but when someone wrongs me (especially when they wrong me in a way that is deeply hurtful) it supports that irrational conclusion. But like I said earlier, forgiveness is a major component to recovery. Forgiving helps with acceptance.

I need to forgive my peers. In general. There isn't one specific person to forgive in this instance. Because of various experiences in school and growing up and whatnot, I have become angry at my peers for what I've perceived as rejecting me. I need to forgive my peers for not being accepted.

Whether or not I've ever actually been socially rejected or marginalized or not accepted is beside the point; while growing up (and hell, up until right now), I always felt like the odd one out and although I definitely (wrongly) blame myself, I have a lot of anger towards my peers as well. I still have a hard time connecting with people my age because I assume, since they are technically my peers, they will reject me.

If I can forgive my peers for 'causing' me to feel rejected, I can accept the fact that it happened and not have to fight it anymore. I'm angry that it happened, but I need to stop finding someone to blame for it. It happened. And I guarantee I'm not the only kid who felt like the odd one out at some time or another. It's just another wonderful part of growing up :)

1 comment:

  1. You are such a strong woman Kayla...I am so proud of you and in awe of your strength...

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